Keva, my oh so perceptive best friend, knows me better than most. She always seems to get things about me that go right over others heads. I have been blessed to have a few people like that in my life (Mommy, Erica, and Hill), but Keva is different. It wasnt always that way but as we have grown, so has our friendship...
Anyways, Keva has a blog too. I read it (of course) and comment sometimes. She posted the other day: Brooklyn Stand Up. Now, I just KNEW what she was talking about. Understood all she was saying and was nodding my head as my eyes went over her words describing her special friend, a native of Brooklyn. So the other day when we were out the blog came up in conversation. But I was wrong.
Apparently that post was about me. I went back and read it again. And it is. If you know me you'll get it. So read it. And enjoy...
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Once Again
So...its hard to find time to actually sit down and try to blog about any one topic. I'll do it this week. But for today, another quick rundown.
1. It has become clear that deciding to loc my hair is going to be harder than I expected.
2. T-Pain's "I'm Sprung" is like my favorite song right now. Mind you, I do understand that he isnt the most talented performer out, but his song does make me tap my foot. And no, I'm not sprung. I just like the song.
3. I told Hill I would call her and STILL havent done it. I feel real bad cause it really slipped my mind. But when I listened to her voicemail saying "Jennifer your best is just not good enough" I felt like a bad friend. SORRY HILL I LOVE YOU STILL!
4. I broke my ipod earphones on friday while I was at work. I was PISSED. But its Sunday and I have already replaced them so whatever.
5. I made a phone call to someone other than my mother or keva or erica (extremely rare) and though they didnt answer, they called back and left a message acknowledging that they understood how difficult it was for me to make that call. I appreciated that.
6. I stood someone up Saturday because I felt sick and fell asleep. I feel bad cause this is the second time I did that to this particular person.
7. Keva told me that I am not receptive to being approached/hit on by men. Shes right. I always think people are just telling me too much information or trying to play me. Imma work on it though.
8. I hate when people take pictures of me. Its disturbing how uncomfortable I am knowing that there are pictures of me floating around that arent in my posession.
9. My mother told me I need to do a Christmas list for the family. But nothing I want is under 200 and I think its selfish to ask for gifts like that from anyone but my parents. But I cant just make stuff up cause then I wont use it and bammas will be mad. What a dilemma.
10. I am in love with Michael Kors. My mother even was drooling over one of his bags yesterday. Imma die if I dont get one real soon. I dont care how much they cost dammit. People buy Coach, why cant I buy Kors?!
11. I put my prom pic on Facebook. Everytime I look at it I laugh. I just KNEW i was grown. And I so far from it...
Okay. Done. Imma blog again by Tuesday with a real blog...
1. It has become clear that deciding to loc my hair is going to be harder than I expected.
2. T-Pain's "I'm Sprung" is like my favorite song right now. Mind you, I do understand that he isnt the most talented performer out, but his song does make me tap my foot. And no, I'm not sprung. I just like the song.
3. I told Hill I would call her and STILL havent done it. I feel real bad cause it really slipped my mind. But when I listened to her voicemail saying "Jennifer your best is just not good enough" I felt like a bad friend. SORRY HILL I LOVE YOU STILL!
4. I broke my ipod earphones on friday while I was at work. I was PISSED. But its Sunday and I have already replaced them so whatever.
5. I made a phone call to someone other than my mother or keva or erica (extremely rare) and though they didnt answer, they called back and left a message acknowledging that they understood how difficult it was for me to make that call. I appreciated that.
6. I stood someone up Saturday because I felt sick and fell asleep. I feel bad cause this is the second time I did that to this particular person.
7. Keva told me that I am not receptive to being approached/hit on by men. Shes right. I always think people are just telling me too much information or trying to play me. Imma work on it though.
8. I hate when people take pictures of me. Its disturbing how uncomfortable I am knowing that there are pictures of me floating around that arent in my posession.
9. My mother told me I need to do a Christmas list for the family. But nothing I want is under 200 and I think its selfish to ask for gifts like that from anyone but my parents. But I cant just make stuff up cause then I wont use it and bammas will be mad. What a dilemma.
10. I am in love with Michael Kors. My mother even was drooling over one of his bags yesterday. Imma die if I dont get one real soon. I dont care how much they cost dammit. People buy Coach, why cant I buy Kors?!
11. I put my prom pic on Facebook. Everytime I look at it I laugh. I just KNEW i was grown. And I so far from it...
Okay. Done. Imma blog again by Tuesday with a real blog...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Extra Quick Rundown
LeMaine said something about me not blogging...so heres a quick rundown of my humdrum life...
1. My little cousin Adrienne (who is evil, yet adorable) started a blog. When she commented on my blog I was at a loss for who amth was...but whatever.
2. A. LeMaine dropped off the face of the earth for a minute (oh where oh where has my A. LeMaine gone...oh where oh where could he be???). But hes still an ass.
3. My best friend found out she was ruthless this weekend. THE SECRET IS OUT! I'm actually not the mean one.
4. I got these Diadoras I asked AK to buy me for my bday last year. He couldnt find them in my size and I got these nikes which I'm not sure I ever wore instead, but I the diadoras now. I LOVE them so much. I love them more than I love that tan nine west bag I was carrying for like 3 weeks straight (which is a serious run for me). Imma just wear them with everything. F matching!
5. I got my phone. I should say that with joy, but now I dont have a signal in my house. But whatever. Direct Connect works in the house and you can text me.
6. The Grambling Grad (mentioned in the previous blog...I will now call GG) came to my desk with a cd like 'listen to this.' It was Meshell NDegeocello's "Comfort Woman." For those who dont know, shes like my second favorite musician ever (behind Bilal Oliver, my husband). But GG obviously likes tight music. He also had a new Roots cd that I didnt know existed. But it was just remixes so whatever.
7. GG is hilarious. He makes me laugh at work. He plays people constantly. I have had some serious conversations with him too, but I cant explain that in a quick blog...another tale for another time...
8. My hair itches. Its not a good thing.
9. I think I may have left a pair of glasses in the hotel during homecoming. I'm VERY unhappy about that.
10. My mother has a paper due next week. You know what that means..."Jenn can you look at this again for me please...well what does this mean...well how can I change this paragraph...well can you help...BLAH BLAH BLAH." Not happy about this at all. But its my mother...do I really have a choice?
11. I feel like karma is getting me back for all the phone calls I didnt answer. I have called 3 different people who straight did not return my phone calls. I want to be mad. But it just wouldnt be right since that has been my m.o. all year.
12. I talk to Jealous (hm...I dont think I have talked about him before but its an ex boyfriend and he hates that I call him that...but I dont like using real names so whatever) all day now.
13. Calling Jenn between 3 and 4 am UNACCEPTABLE. I dont care who you are!
14. I'm tired of that "Facebook Livin" link. I refuse to put it into my blog. I'm not addicted to facebook. I mean, I check it, but I wont die if I cant.
15. SOMEONE (I cant think of a witty nickname for you) is making a movie. I heard about it buddy. Can I get an offer for a part? I'm oh so serious!
I'm tired of typing. I'm done. Any thoughts?
1. My little cousin Adrienne (who is evil, yet adorable) started a blog. When she commented on my blog I was at a loss for who amth was...but whatever.
2. A. LeMaine dropped off the face of the earth for a minute (oh where oh where has my A. LeMaine gone...oh where oh where could he be???). But hes still an ass.
3. My best friend found out she was ruthless this weekend. THE SECRET IS OUT! I'm actually not the mean one.
4. I got these Diadoras I asked AK to buy me for my bday last year. He couldnt find them in my size and I got these nikes which I'm not sure I ever wore instead, but I the diadoras now. I LOVE them so much. I love them more than I love that tan nine west bag I was carrying for like 3 weeks straight (which is a serious run for me). Imma just wear them with everything. F matching!
5. I got my phone. I should say that with joy, but now I dont have a signal in my house. But whatever. Direct Connect works in the house and you can text me.
6. The Grambling Grad (mentioned in the previous blog...I will now call GG) came to my desk with a cd like 'listen to this.' It was Meshell NDegeocello's "Comfort Woman." For those who dont know, shes like my second favorite musician ever (behind Bilal Oliver, my husband). But GG obviously likes tight music. He also had a new Roots cd that I didnt know existed. But it was just remixes so whatever.
7. GG is hilarious. He makes me laugh at work. He plays people constantly. I have had some serious conversations with him too, but I cant explain that in a quick blog...another tale for another time...
8. My hair itches. Its not a good thing.
9. I think I may have left a pair of glasses in the hotel during homecoming. I'm VERY unhappy about that.
10. My mother has a paper due next week. You know what that means..."Jenn can you look at this again for me please...well what does this mean...well how can I change this paragraph...well can you help...BLAH BLAH BLAH." Not happy about this at all. But its my mother...do I really have a choice?
11. I feel like karma is getting me back for all the phone calls I didnt answer. I have called 3 different people who straight did not return my phone calls. I want to be mad. But it just wouldnt be right since that has been my m.o. all year.
12. I talk to Jealous (hm...I dont think I have talked about him before but its an ex boyfriend and he hates that I call him that...but I dont like using real names so whatever) all day now.
13. Calling Jenn between 3 and 4 am UNACCEPTABLE. I dont care who you are!
14. I'm tired of that "Facebook Livin" link. I refuse to put it into my blog. I'm not addicted to facebook. I mean, I check it, but I wont die if I cant.
15. SOMEONE (I cant think of a witty nickname for you) is making a movie. I heard about it buddy. Can I get an offer for a part? I'm oh so serious!
I'm tired of typing. I'm done. Any thoughts?
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I Bet You Think This Post Is About You (dont you...dont you...dont you...)
*The title...am I the only one who knows the song?
*I'm real good for a nasty comment. Its so much easier for me to be a jerk than it is for me to fall back and leave stuff alone. Maybe thats why I cant help but to attack you (intentionally or otherwise) via my blog. Attacking you comes so naturally to me. Its like thinking. It just happens. So when I sit down at a computer and begin to type a post, my thoughts inevitably turn to you. Not just you of course. I think of Erin and Keva and Joshy and Erica and Billy and Bj and Coney and B. But you enter my thoughts too. Immediately following the thought of you is the piercing sting of regret. That feeling I have never before felt in my life and hope to never feel again. And all I can do to temporarily ease that tension is to attack you. And I do. Its so easy. Dont get me wrong, we are all flawed individuals. But you wear your issues on your sleeve. Maybe thats just how I see it now. I attack you because I love you. Because I always will. Because I cant control it. I attack because I know that I can never take back what I gave you. That makes me mad. At one point it made me sad, real sad. But now I'm just pissed off. I wish I could erase it all. (Well...maybe not all of it. I think of Schrom Hills with a speical fondness) If I could, believe me, I would. I would erase you from my memory and erase the memories of me from yours. It would be so much easier that way. It makes me a little sad to say that. I know you well enough to know that makes you a little sad too. Such is life I guess. Everything cant have a happy ending.
*Why do people think I like to write and/or edit? The truth is I hate it. Stop asking me to do it.
*You cant wash your hair for long periods of time when you are trying to loc. Its a very unhappy situation for me.
*Apparently listening to that new Twista song followed by Fabolous's "Tit 4 Tat" and "Young and Sexy" gets my day going right.
*I like to chat on aim when I'm at work. It makes the day go quicker.
*Washing clothes sucks.
*I need book suggestions. Please no Vonneget (sp).
*I still didnt get my phone.
*My original joint is STILL broken.
*Its funny that my phone rings in the middle of the night. I dont answer during the day. I dont answer at night. Leave me alone.
*I really want to see Chicken Little.
*I'm sad because my best friend is having issues and I cant fix them. I hate to see loved ones hurting.
*DO NOT buy me journals for Christmas please.
*I worry about LeMaine more than he knows.
*I have been abusing the word 'awkward' lately.
*I think I am over a crush.
*When you start getting to know a person it can destroy a crush quickly. I'd rather keep the untainted view most of the time.
*Not to say people arent still chill...just not want you expect.
*I am having a hard time focusing on anything today.
*I have on a white tee that says "I do be an English Major" on the front.
*Prince's husband did the artwork on it.
*Billy just made me mad/sad and he doesnt know it.
*I dont want to talk on he phone now, unless JF calls. By the time he calls I'm sure I will be asleep.
*Burnside gets like 400 interviews a week. How does he pull it? Can people see how fresh he is from his resume? Does he send pics?!
*Hopefully my whole world will change in February.
*I'm real moody. I wonder if anyone else realizes it or if I generally just come off as mean.
*I have a hard time explaining my behaviors. My reasoning seems flawed because of it. I come off as dramatic. But really its just that my thoughts are moving too quickly to explain it all.
*I dont like people want to be mysterious. It just annoys me. It feels like a game. I dont like games. "Be real with what you say and put some feelin up in it..."
*I think I was mentioned in someone elses blog and given an alias. Why did I get a hoodrat alias? Why couldnt my alias be good...like Camille. Thats a nice name.
*Every Black person in America should be required to read Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye"
And I'm out.
*I'm real good for a nasty comment. Its so much easier for me to be a jerk than it is for me to fall back and leave stuff alone. Maybe thats why I cant help but to attack you (intentionally or otherwise) via my blog. Attacking you comes so naturally to me. Its like thinking. It just happens. So when I sit down at a computer and begin to type a post, my thoughts inevitably turn to you. Not just you of course. I think of Erin and Keva and Joshy and Erica and Billy and Bj and Coney and B. But you enter my thoughts too. Immediately following the thought of you is the piercing sting of regret. That feeling I have never before felt in my life and hope to never feel again. And all I can do to temporarily ease that tension is to attack you. And I do. Its so easy. Dont get me wrong, we are all flawed individuals. But you wear your issues on your sleeve. Maybe thats just how I see it now. I attack you because I love you. Because I always will. Because I cant control it. I attack because I know that I can never take back what I gave you. That makes me mad. At one point it made me sad, real sad. But now I'm just pissed off. I wish I could erase it all. (Well...maybe not all of it. I think of Schrom Hills with a speical fondness) If I could, believe me, I would. I would erase you from my memory and erase the memories of me from yours. It would be so much easier that way. It makes me a little sad to say that. I know you well enough to know that makes you a little sad too. Such is life I guess. Everything cant have a happy ending.
*Why do people think I like to write and/or edit? The truth is I hate it. Stop asking me to do it.
*You cant wash your hair for long periods of time when you are trying to loc. Its a very unhappy situation for me.
*Apparently listening to that new Twista song followed by Fabolous's "Tit 4 Tat" and "Young and Sexy" gets my day going right.
*I like to chat on aim when I'm at work. It makes the day go quicker.
*Washing clothes sucks.
*I need book suggestions. Please no Vonneget (sp).
*I still didnt get my phone.
*My original joint is STILL broken.
*Its funny that my phone rings in the middle of the night. I dont answer during the day. I dont answer at night. Leave me alone.
*I really want to see Chicken Little.
*I'm sad because my best friend is having issues and I cant fix them. I hate to see loved ones hurting.
*DO NOT buy me journals for Christmas please.
*I worry about LeMaine more than he knows.
*I have been abusing the word 'awkward' lately.
*I think I am over a crush.
*When you start getting to know a person it can destroy a crush quickly. I'd rather keep the untainted view most of the time.
*Not to say people arent still chill...just not want you expect.
*I am having a hard time focusing on anything today.
*I have on a white tee that says "I do be an English Major" on the front.
*Prince's husband did the artwork on it.
*Billy just made me mad/sad and he doesnt know it.
*I dont want to talk on he phone now, unless JF calls. By the time he calls I'm sure I will be asleep.
*Burnside gets like 400 interviews a week. How does he pull it? Can people see how fresh he is from his resume? Does he send pics?!
*Hopefully my whole world will change in February.
*I'm real moody. I wonder if anyone else realizes it or if I generally just come off as mean.
*I have a hard time explaining my behaviors. My reasoning seems flawed because of it. I come off as dramatic. But really its just that my thoughts are moving too quickly to explain it all.
*I dont like people want to be mysterious. It just annoys me. It feels like a game. I dont like games. "Be real with what you say and put some feelin up in it..."
*I think I was mentioned in someone elses blog and given an alias. Why did I get a hoodrat alias? Why couldnt my alias be good...like Camille. Thats a nice name.
*Every Black person in America should be required to read Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye"
And I'm out.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Its the Little Things/A Grambling Grad Speaks/Hampton Hugs
Its the Little Things
I roll over to the Cartoon Network blasting. Some anime about demon spirits skipping generations...who knows. I reach under my pillow for my cell to check the time. 5:38 am Saturday November 5. Why the hell am I up at 530?! Its not a work day. Damn this 'biological clock' nonsense. I close my eyes, roll over a few times, and try to force myself back into slumber. To no avail. I reach back under the pillow for my glasses. Yes, I leave them under my pillow if I remember to take them off at all. Sometimes I just sleep with them on. I put them on and flip the channels for a few minutes. Whats on at 6 am on a Saturday? Nothing. I decided to go downstairs for awhile. At least downstairs I have digital cable and On Demand (what a blessing). I open my door and decide to make a pit stop at my bathroom. I take off my bonnet and untie my scarf. Oh yea. No more wrap. (sad face for a second)...I shake my locs (happy face good times for a second)...and stare in the mirror. I run my right hand across my head. I reach the nape of my neck and run my fingers across something soft and bumpy. What the hell is on my neck? Oh my God. Its NAPS. THREE LITTLE NAPS HAVE MADE MY NECK THEIR HOME! Should I be embarrased? You cant see them. My hair covers it. But I know they exist. Its like a dirty secret. The little thing that will ruin my chance at the presidency. The thing that is going to keep me from winning the lottery. Its the damn little things.
A Grambling Grad Speaks
(Let me introduce this by saying I am not a racist. I did not make these comments. I am just quoting a coworker. If you are offended who cares?! Its life.)
I work with a group of eight. Just one man. A Grambling Grad. He told me after he saw my Hampton Alumni mug that doubles as a pen holder on my desk. "Oh...you went to Hampton? You must be stuck up. That explains why you are so quiet. I partied there once. The girls there are wild. Good times (he looks off in the distance...)" Anyways, after he found out I too went to an HBCU he took me under his wing. During training (the week after homecoming) I fell asleep at his desk. Yes, I know. HORRIBLE. His response: "I dont know what dude did to you this past weekend...but he is obviously not the right guy for you. You clearly cant hang. Stop fakin like you can. Now you at work falling asleep. Damn young people." He then told me to go outside and shake it off, which I immediately did. A few weeks later I was working on a task in one of the rooms with him. He starts talking about ways to deal with men. Mind you, I do not talk about my personal life in any way while I'm at work. Its not like hes heard me gripe about anything. For the most part, I dont talk at all. Yet and still, on the way to get fingerprinted he asked me about my boo. I immediately let him no that my 'boo' doesnt exist. His response: "What happened? He with a white girl now? You cant compete with a white girl. I can tell you arent wild enough. My man...he had a white girl. Looked her in her eyes and said 'hook up my man' and she did it. Head right there. It was great. You cant compete with that. You probably try to make 'a nigga' a 'man'. Nah. You cant do that shorty. Some guys arent men. Suck it up. Stop tripping off the due. Hes not for you. He probably aint about shit anyways. And here you are, working, trying to find your place in the world. He probably calls you in the middle of the night on some drunk bullshit like 'i love you.' Dont answer the phone anymore. Hes not on your level. Find a man on your level. You'll be happier." For those in "The Know"...how sick is that? I dont know that man and yet he told me my story. What a damn shame...well he is great. The funniest person at work. And I appreciate words of wisdom from ex-manwhores.
Hampton Hugs
I didnt mention this after homecoming, but I hate hugs now. Its so awkward to see people that you werent really friends with and then be forced into an embrace as though you care. Dont get me wrong...when I saw Joshy and he grabbed me up a tear or two did drop. That was a real hug. I really missed my friend. But hugging joe blow from english 102...why? If I dont know you name (and I'm really good with names) then why are you opening your arms to me. The worst part about the hug situation is that the one person I wanted a hug from...gave me a damn handshake. What kind of nonsense?! I didnt know how to respond...but I did converse after that. But a handshake. How awkward. Can someone please send me the hug rulebook so I dont make a jackass of myself next year?
I roll over to the Cartoon Network blasting. Some anime about demon spirits skipping generations...who knows. I reach under my pillow for my cell to check the time. 5:38 am Saturday November 5. Why the hell am I up at 530?! Its not a work day. Damn this 'biological clock' nonsense. I close my eyes, roll over a few times, and try to force myself back into slumber. To no avail. I reach back under the pillow for my glasses. Yes, I leave them under my pillow if I remember to take them off at all. Sometimes I just sleep with them on. I put them on and flip the channels for a few minutes. Whats on at 6 am on a Saturday? Nothing. I decided to go downstairs for awhile. At least downstairs I have digital cable and On Demand (what a blessing). I open my door and decide to make a pit stop at my bathroom. I take off my bonnet and untie my scarf. Oh yea. No more wrap. (sad face for a second)...I shake my locs (happy face good times for a second)...and stare in the mirror. I run my right hand across my head. I reach the nape of my neck and run my fingers across something soft and bumpy. What the hell is on my neck? Oh my God. Its NAPS. THREE LITTLE NAPS HAVE MADE MY NECK THEIR HOME! Should I be embarrased? You cant see them. My hair covers it. But I know they exist. Its like a dirty secret. The little thing that will ruin my chance at the presidency. The thing that is going to keep me from winning the lottery. Its the damn little things.
A Grambling Grad Speaks
(Let me introduce this by saying I am not a racist. I did not make these comments. I am just quoting a coworker. If you are offended who cares?! Its life.)
I work with a group of eight. Just one man. A Grambling Grad. He told me after he saw my Hampton Alumni mug that doubles as a pen holder on my desk. "Oh...you went to Hampton? You must be stuck up. That explains why you are so quiet. I partied there once. The girls there are wild. Good times (he looks off in the distance...)" Anyways, after he found out I too went to an HBCU he took me under his wing. During training (the week after homecoming) I fell asleep at his desk. Yes, I know. HORRIBLE. His response: "I dont know what dude did to you this past weekend...but he is obviously not the right guy for you. You clearly cant hang. Stop fakin like you can. Now you at work falling asleep. Damn young people." He then told me to go outside and shake it off, which I immediately did. A few weeks later I was working on a task in one of the rooms with him. He starts talking about ways to deal with men. Mind you, I do not talk about my personal life in any way while I'm at work. Its not like hes heard me gripe about anything. For the most part, I dont talk at all. Yet and still, on the way to get fingerprinted he asked me about my boo. I immediately let him no that my 'boo' doesnt exist. His response: "What happened? He with a white girl now? You cant compete with a white girl. I can tell you arent wild enough. My man...he had a white girl. Looked her in her eyes and said 'hook up my man' and she did it. Head right there. It was great. You cant compete with that. You probably try to make 'a nigga' a 'man'. Nah. You cant do that shorty. Some guys arent men. Suck it up. Stop tripping off the due. Hes not for you. He probably aint about shit anyways. And here you are, working, trying to find your place in the world. He probably calls you in the middle of the night on some drunk bullshit like 'i love you.' Dont answer the phone anymore. Hes not on your level. Find a man on your level. You'll be happier." For those in "The Know"...how sick is that? I dont know that man and yet he told me my story. What a damn shame...well he is great. The funniest person at work. And I appreciate words of wisdom from ex-manwhores.
Hampton Hugs
I didnt mention this after homecoming, but I hate hugs now. Its so awkward to see people that you werent really friends with and then be forced into an embrace as though you care. Dont get me wrong...when I saw Joshy and he grabbed me up a tear or two did drop. That was a real hug. I really missed my friend. But hugging joe blow from english 102...why? If I dont know you name (and I'm really good with names) then why are you opening your arms to me. The worst part about the hug situation is that the one person I wanted a hug from...gave me a damn handshake. What kind of nonsense?! I didnt know how to respond...but I did converse after that. But a handshake. How awkward. Can someone please send me the hug rulebook so I dont make a jackass of myself next year?
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